The day I met myself I found myself kicking and biting off My knotted pink shoelaces Torn kites and glue strewn across the floor Sitting on a 7 feet high ledge. I looked at her Furrowing my brows Like mud bordering ditches I said "Hey love, why don't you step aside Or you'll certainly fall down— —break your knees" So she closed her eyes And smiled Smiled with her canines out like she came to dine, Pulling out the dead skin from her lips Fiddling with her collar bone Like she'll take it out any moment and behead someone So she pulled me closer to the ledge Put my hands on her chest She said "Listen" Now I want to become an Ajanta painting Paint me red, Uproot the house of my neighbour Put it on our roof So I can climb higher Origami the skin on my back Fold it into wings, I will fly to the sun Put the same cream on it That I put on my mother's burns Take me to the galaxy Let me skim around it And we'll put that cosmic butter on our toast And split it in half And I wondered how I could think that "If the spring doesn't kill me the autumn will" Wondered why I thought That happiness is only just left like The peach stuck inside the grooves of its pit Then I finally understood How drinking my own saliva all these years Has made me absolutely mad How my heart is a tight fit for my love There are stretchmarks on my ribs. And to the people I send my poems to To the ones who say I'm sweet Don't you see? I've still not learnt to love myself So I pull out my bandages, Tie it around you I'm saying Don't let me fuck myself over Don't let me fuck myself over. I'm absolutely petrified Vibrating like stars Still afraid of those sensor doors in metroes Afraid they'll leave me behind, Alone. I carry around my calm in a paper bag I think I'll drop it these days Trigger a nuclear explosion Like I did 61 years before I was born Then I think how I was scared That my teeth will break the day They put these braces on How they pierced in till the day I heard a stranger Sing something about love and Giving us away How I was afraid to tie my shoelaces again Till my friend made me climb On the highest rod Of those monkey bars, Placed my shoes with her shoes Took a picture and put it on instagram And maybe we pray So we can hold our hands Maybe we dream To wake up in a sweat. An average person spends six months of their life Waiting for the red lights to turn green It takes time, To clear the traffic in our heads So let a stranger sing you to sleep Count all your fingers again Put vaseline on those chapped lips Search for when the next meteor shower is Again, I am saying I'm trying not to fuck myself over I am saying That if I were a stranger to myself I would swing on the tail of an aeroplane To look for myself I would hollow the earth Till I could find myself Because I could fathom losing myself If I could fathom losing you.